Football Funnies September 28th 2000 and 10

REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 23rd of SEPTEMBER
I don't normally do an 'ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY' this feature in the mail-out but 23rd September 2003 is a famous day in footballing history...
It the day that Rio Ferdinand forgot to turn up for a drug test, and was subsequently dropped from the England squad to play Turkey in Istanbul the following month.
Gary Neville suddenly went from ugly Man United and England full back to ugly Man United full back and England Self-appointed Union Rep.



Rio claimed he missed the test because he was moving house that day.
He never speculated on whether it was a crack house though...



Rio was later banned for eight months, missing the Euro 2004 finals, but then again,
If he had been selected in the squad, would he have remembered to turn up with his passport?


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STOKE 1 WEST HAM 1
Their were further suggestions that West Ham are a one man team when Scott Parker grabbed the goal that earned them a point at Stoke.
Rumours that the new owners of West Ham are trying to sign Paul Parker and Captain Parker from Thunderbirds have not been confirmed by the club.

USELESS STAT OF THE DAY
At one point on saturday five of the six premier league matches were tied at 1-1
(WBA v Birmingham, Villa v Bolton, Sunderland v Arsenal, Tottenham v Wolves and Stoke v WHU)
That maybe a useless stat of the day to most of us, it might be a million quid in the bank for the Asian betting handicaps group who normally bet on Pakistan cricket matches.

I DID NOT SEE THE INCIDENT.
Arsene Wenger has been told by the Premier league not to touch the fourth official as they don't know where he's been.
It is of course the second unauthorised handling by a Frenchman in the last 12 months, following Thierry Henry in Dublin.

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Man United 3 Liverpool 2
United triumphed in the big North West clash with a hat-trick from £30 million forgotten man Dimi Berbatov.
Only another 97 goals to fully justify that fee then.
The biggest comeback involving the Pool since Michael Barrymore.



I DONT LIKE CRICKET
United manager Sir Rolex Ferguson told the media (although not the BBC) that it could have been a cricket score.
If the BBC want Sir Alex to speak to them on future Match of The Days, they'd be better off not investigating any links between Fergie and the Pakistan cricket team.



CAN YOU PHEEL IT?
Fergies relucatance to be interviewed by John Motson and co means a chance for assistant manager Mike Phelan to fill in every saturday.
Phelan is getting on so well with the BBC, they're thinking of inviting him onto Strictly Come Dancing, the National Lottery Show and Michael McIntyres Comedy Roadshow.


Thats all till the weekend
Hasta La Vista
Trigger
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F-f-f-f-oooootball - Your 'Aving a Larf... September 18th 2000 and Ten.

This week it's all about managers who don't turn up, and some who do.

FUNNY OLD GAME
Roy Hodgson is refusing to set any targets for his first season in charge of Liverpool.
A wise decision maybe, as former Scouse boss Rafa Benitez GUARANTEED Liverpool would finish in the Top 4 last season, only for them to finish 7th.
Rafa is now at Inter Milan, who ARE in the Champions League this season and in the group stages play last season fourth best Premier League team Tottenham Hotspur.

SACRON BLEUR
THE current French Football Teams Technical Director and occasional Aston Villa manager GERRARD HOULLIER is another man who refuses to get too carried away at press conferences.
He told Villa fans he hopd he would get the team back to a position 'between 6th & 12th in the Premier League.
With ambition like that, it's easy to see how France crashed out of the World Cup in the group stages in South Africa losing To Mexico & Uruguay.

STOKE 2 ASTON VILLA 1
Stoke announced before kick off that manager Tony Pulis would not be at the game due to the death of his mother (he actually arrived on the touchline 4 mins after k/o)
With Gerrard Houllier missing for Villa, this must be the first time a Premier League match has kicked off WITHOUT AN ACTUAL MANAGER.
A Premier League match without a manager?? Maybe it COULD catch on...




GRANT Granted Time Off For Religious Behaviour
Avram Grant has been allowed to miss the forthcoming fixture against Stoke to observe Yom Kippur.
So that's two matches Stoke have played against managerless teams. Perhaps they've been doing their own praying.

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EUROPE

MAN UNITED 0 RANGERS 0Resting 10 players from saturdays game against Everton backfired on Sir Alex Ferguson as they failed to beat Scottish champions Rangers.
In future he'll only rotate that many players against Wolves.


Messi at The MarshesLionel Messi was on Hackney Marshes on wednesday, part of a promotion for a boot sponsor, he also went to Brick Lane but never had a curry.
If only Orient had been able to reschedule the Brentford cup game forward at short notice.
Messi may have graced the La Liga, the World Cup and the Champions league, but it could have been a career highlight for him to have played at Brisbane Road in the JOHNSTONE PAINTS TROPHY.
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F-f-f-ootball - Your 'Aving A Laugh - September 13th 2010

F-f-f-f-OOTBALL....
YOUR 'AVING A LAUGH

What a week, an England footballer caught up in scandal, an England footballer injured on the pitch, an England manager steps down to spend more time as a pensioner, and an old favourite (punchline) as an old favourite returns to the premiership, or whatever it's called by the marketing people. Hold on to your seats.. Trigger

ROONEY PAYS £1,200 A NIGHT FOR PROSTITUTE

The News of The World and Sunday Mirror took a break from Cricket scandals to tell the story of Rooney 'playing away' while his wife was pregnant

I wonder what will run out first, his good looks, his money or his luck?

SWITZERLAND 1 ENGLAND 3

On the bright side, Rooney is still a vital part of the England team, and importantly a team player.

Unlike John Terry, he didn't sleep with a team-mates bird.

What Next for Rooney?

Dropped by Sir Alex on saturday for Man United's trip to his old team Everton at Goodison Park, Roo will return for the Champions League stroll v Rangers

Oh well, at least it left him free on Saturday to burn all copies of the News Of The World with Pastor Terry Jones.

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England 4 Bulgaria 0

England started 2012 qualifying comfortably thanks to Jermain Defoes hat-trick, but he now faces 3 months out after picking up an injury in Swtizerland

I suppose he wanted to spend the last few days of Big Brother in front of the telly, after picking up so many birds from the programme over the years

Switzerland 1 England 3

England ended the match in Basle with 6 Man City players on the pitch, the first time since 2001 one club had provided 6 of the England 11.

They still have a way to go to match Corinthian Casuals who supplied all 11 players for Englnd v Wales in 1894 AND 1895.

Given Man City's current cash flow, it's probably the ONLY time they'll ever be compared to the noble amateurs of Corinthian Casuals.

Thank You For The Day

England's qualifiers got off to the unusual Friday/Tuesday combination, after years (decades even) of playing Saturday/Wednesdays back to back internationals.

I suppose it gives the players an extra day to spend with prostitutes/other players birds/Big Brother contestants.

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For more up to the minute funny stuff go to www.twitter.com/radiogagger

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FABIO STEPS DOWN AFTER 2012 EURO's (TO SPEND EUROS)

Fabio Capello has announced that he will stand down as England manager after The 2012 Euro's to spend more time 'as a pensioner'

I know his English is not great, and he is well paid as England manager, but is he planning to spend more time with Wayne Rooney at £1,200 a night?

FABIO TO BE REPLACED BY ENGLISHMAN

It was well documented recently by a 'CLUB ENGLAND DIRECTOR' that the next England manager will be English.

Does that rule Mikel Arteta IN or OUT? At least it gives Martin O'Neil two years to apply for a British passport.

FABIO QUITS TO SPEND MORE TIME A PENSIONER

If England want to keep some continuity, they should choose Brucie

Not (Englishman) Steve Bruce, pensioner Bruce Forsyth.

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GERRARD WHO?

Gerrard Houllier is back in English football as Aston Villa manager but not sure when he is available to take over due to serving notice from the French Football Federation.

Perhaps Glenn Hoddle, Gus Hiddink or Glynn Hodges could step in as caretaker GH. They wouldn't need to change the initials on the tracksuit.

THE BEST EXCUSE EVER FOR MISSING A MATCH

At the press conference that welcomed him as Villa manager, Gerrard stated he would not be available for the next match (tonight) against Stoke as he had meetings to attend in his role as Technical Director for the French Federation.

I have to say that is the best excuse I've heard from an actual manager of a team. I do know of a Leyton Orient fan who missed a rare Andy Harris goal (at Oxford) for a dentist appointment but the closest he gets to picking the team is Championship Manager the PC game.

Until the next time

Trigger

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